i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
