he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
