oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
