he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
