I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
