The maid of honor just puked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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