Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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