that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
