I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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