either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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