He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
