The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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