im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize