Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have aggressive nipples.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
