So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
