I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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