I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
