Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
