don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
