I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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