So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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