You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
