Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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