Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
