before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just pee around me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
