I'm pants shitting drunk right now
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
