Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
