There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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