Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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