That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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