Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
