She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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