I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
