remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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