I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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