Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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