I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
