Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
