you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
