p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
