and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
