wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
