a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
