This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
