Jerry, you need to find god
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
