Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
