The best revenge is premature balding
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love you. Go after that dick
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