I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
