Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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