with your own penis?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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