the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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