Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
