Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
