Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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