Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
