Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think i have two assholes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
