How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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