i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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