Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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