I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
