Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
