Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
