can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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