It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
