i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
