Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
