I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
wow bdsm is so cute
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