he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
