Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize