im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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