For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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