i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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