Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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