Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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