The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
whose parrot is this?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
