hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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