You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
