Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
pop tarts are not kleenex
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Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same