We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?