we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.