Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
