Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Are my feet made of real feet?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
