wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy