i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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