Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
