planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
