Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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